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The Absolutely True Confession of the World's Oldest Living Cougar

by Mamie Van Doren

Wikipedia
Cougar
Cougar an older woman who sexually pursues men at least eight years her junior [12].

Jaguar A new group, seeking males twenty-five to thirty years her junior. Jaguars are elderly females over the age of 75.
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“Cougar” has a pejorative ring to it, and, like all pigeonhole definitions--democrat, republican, communist, conservative -- it is self-limiting, missing all the nuances. A man probably dreamed up the term, but, cougar it is, and I happily admit, cougar I have been.

Cougars are much in the news, what with Demi Moore and Madonna, and other high visibility show biz types sporting newly dried-behind-the-ears companions. There is also Mary Kay Letourneau, jailed for “molesting” her student Vili Fualaau, then age 13. Mary Kay, 47, is now married to Vili, 25. They have two children. And, just so you know, five U.S. Presidents had younger wives: Washington, Fillmore, Harrison (his first wife), Harding, and Nixon.

For centuries MEN have dated girls younger than their granddaughters while everyone just shrugged and said, "Oh, well, lucky sonofabitch," or "She's after his money." But let a woman of a certain age be seen with, or, God forbid, do the nasty with a man eight or ten years her junior, and it's grab the bibles and lock the doors, 'cause there's a she-devil on the loose.

I have been on both ends of the age game. As a teenager, I was catnip to older men. At sixteen, Howard Hughes discovered me in a beauty pageant in Palm Springs. Howard was obsessed with young girls, and, when my mother wasn’t looking, we rendezvoused in his bungalow at the Garden of Allah or his unofficial office next door to the Paul Hessey photo studio in Hollywood. You can guess what was going on there.

When I was eighteen I went to New York to appear in the Broadway show “Billion Dollar Baby” with Jackie Gleason. It wasn’t long before I attracted the attention of former World Heavyweight Champion, Jack Dempsey. I soon became engaged to Jack who was in his mid-fifties. There were others, but this is a short column.

At a certain point in my life, however, dating older men began
to pale. Experience triumphs over youth, and too many of them took advantage of me in ways that, well, made me angry. Also, my view of sex was always more male than female. I liked having it and disliked the problems that long term relationships inevitably spawned.

When I was in my thirties, I scandalized the baseball world by
dating a younger pitcher named Bo Belinsky. Later, after Bo and I broke up, he introduced me to Lee Meyers, a 17-year old pitcher for the L.A. Angels. I married Lee when he turned 19. After we divorced, I dated a young star quarterback for the New York Jets named Joe Namath. Then I traveled around the world with a sexy young Italian kid who was barely out of high school.

In 1974 I met, dated, and married a man 14 years younger, and we celebrated our 35th anniversary this year. Having now reached the status of Jaguar, I have retired from the hunt.

Here’s my confession, boys. Younger guys are more fun.
They are easy on the eyes and usually a lively fuck. They also like to go places, rather than sit in front of a television. And, if you want to watch television, they are more inclined to see it as an opportunity, if you get my meaning.   If there is one glaring reason for a gal to take up cougaring—aside from really great sex—it would have to be that younger men typically do not take you for granted.

Today everyone is all a-twitter with cougars, jaguars, and
pumas, boy toys and boi toys and MILFs and GILFS. It’s the age-old story of age, and there’s never been a culture whose obsessions were more dedicated to the pages of a calendar.

My husband and I have discussed the age issue many times. I’m sure if you asked Mary Kay Letourneau and Vili, or Martha and George Washington, or Madonna they would say the same thing we do. These matters of age mean more to everyone else than they do to us. It gives gossip columnists and bloggers something to write about, and it makes for titillating conversation over your morning latte. But the heart wants what the heart wants, and if that means younger or older, like Billie Holiday sang, “it ain’t nobody’s business if we do.”

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